My broken Heart

I can't stand it I miss her soo much my other half what am I supposed to do I m having such a hard time right now just trying to be ok but I'm not I hate that I never get to see her nor can I be with her it is breaking me I try to put on a brave face and I say all is fine but truth my heart is broken.. with every day that goes by..

I Pray...

..I pray for strength that God will hold you all up when you feel weak.. I pray that God will give you all the comfort you need when times are hard and times when you feel out of control His arms and warmth will sooth be your resting place..  I pray for healing.. That even thou your Father can not be replaced that God fill the void by continuing to bring to your remembrance your father's love and Joy... May you never forget.. May Gods Love and Joy do the rest to continue to Bless you all and take care of the rest.. Amen. Lifting you and your Family up in prayer my friend.

All I want is to hold you to tell you that it is all going to be ok to make sure that you are ok I hate what I'm feeling when I feel this I want to give in to the temptation of you. I have wanted to for some time now. I love you And that is the end of that I can't help but do so.. You have been the one that I have fought for time after time can you not see that? And time after time it seems that I have lost but In my heart I feel I have won. I could be wrong but I feel as If when you close your eyes at night when you dream of your hearts desire you dream of me. You dream that I'm close to you you dream the dream where you cant truly remember what happened but you knew something happened. That Dream that scares you every time I come around, because you know if you dwell on it that you will feel the same and it scares you that some one could truly love you the way you have always wanted but didn't know how to receive it. t know that even when I was with him I was thinking about you and only you. You are where I want to be.. Know this also It scares me just the same that I can feel these feelings for you. The love I have for you has been nothing but an eye opener to the person that I am. Call me your friend your sister Your lover What ever you call me I know what I am to you .. I am the One person that has never left your side even when I should have..my love my heart that is what you are and have been and always will be near or far..

My Heart ❤

This time is different I feel it being different I have nothing but love for her She was my strength and now well now I have to grow on my own. I miss her and it hasn't been 4 hours yet. I love her more than my own life more than I have ever known to Love any one or any thing.. Why cant i be just normal so that i don't have to feel this way? Why cant I just be ok with this life and accept the fact that i cant I wont have have her as mine and mine only. That's what its really about not having claim but the knowing that she does care for me the way i care for her. that when she thinks about life with out me that it hurts her. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to hurt her never I'm trying to see if i matter the same I Want to know if this is all just one sided Maybe she thinks i'll come back and come soon but i want this so bad i guess I have to know before i fight  for her in that way. I need to know that if I'm to pick up and leave that I'm not doing so just to be blindsided i need to know that we are in this and its not just me. she knows i'll do anything for her that i love her that shes my world and my love so I'm never far.. but if she believes that well that's up to her.. she has to know that for me I'm in this till the day I die and to live with out her well that numbers my days shes my heart my love. Ive been told many times to let her go and i never have in fear that if i did i would lose what ever love she may have for me. I never want her to stop loving me i never want to lose her i never want to be without her !!! I fucken hate life with out her sleepless nights and crazy thoughts of the death that is soon to come with out her. my life with out her is just borrowed time. I wont I cant but all the same i have too for her and for me.. I Love her shes my world I cant with out her. IHATE MY FUCKEN LIFE WITH OUT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just the thought to know that this is my next step hurts me all too much.. I hate that i cant be there to love her unconditional and all the time.. I can't seem to give her up.. She's mine..OHH BOY IM IN TROUBLE..

Because I love You..

your on my mind once again.. Like many times before but this time things are different. He says he loves you.. He keeps saying he loves you.. I want to be mad and I want to scream BUT do I have a right?  Do I have any claim? Can I be upset and not looked at as the bad guy?  You know how I feel.. I almost died with you once.. this you don't know this I've never told you.. I dont want to tell you this I dont want you to try out of petty I want you to have what ever you want out of life. Find your Dream and Go after it live it out climb the highest Mountain.. and never look back love just keep Climbing..  For years I held on to you I have yet to let your go because I knew to do so would mean that I would lose you and I didn't want to lose you. I have known better all this time and now here it Goes. MY dear, My love I will not be following you I will not be looking for you and I will not be trying to tell or show you how much I love you.. It kills me to have to do so but I am

I keep thinking.. what if ?? What if I missed my chance ? What if I messed up What happens if i leave?? I almost lost you once and every day I asked my self why what if i miss out what am I doing just sitting here doing nothing.. Get your lazy fucking ass up and do something. MY world is you and I don't know how to not do you not to at least know that your thereto not have that connection .. WHY The Hell do you matter soo much to me ???? I keep Kicking myself in the Ass trying to figure it all out. Why do I Love you soo much Why do I Really care?? I mean I can say your the love of my life and I can't live with out you, but is that the truth? Honestly what happen you walked in to my Class room and I knew then that my life was gonna change I can't explain how I knew I just did. And it did, You are some one that I have never given up on you are some one who I see daily in my minds eye.. Lol ok I don't believe in the Minds Eye but I do dream about you and i think about you often so often that I have been missing you soo much.. Now look what you made me do believe that I look like a fool saying all of this?? any way I am getting tired k I love you

Fuck this bull shit I can't believe I'm still were I 've always been this is stupid shit that's why I never opened myself up becAuse really  I hate being hurt like this I don't want to have to deal with this like this... she won't talk to me don't ask me why because I don't know and he well don't get me started on the one man I really let in can only tear me down I'm done don't I deserve love I mean real love not that tv shit no the real deal I want that  everything else is bull shit and I don't have time for bull shit..