My Heart ❤

This time is different I feel it being different I have nothing but love for her She was my strength and now well now I have to grow on my own. I miss her and it hasn't been 4 hours yet. I love her more than my own life more than I have ever known to Love any one or any thing.. Why cant i be just normal so that i don't have to feel this way? Why cant I just be ok with this life and accept the fact that i cant I wont have have her as mine and mine only. That's what its really about not having claim but the knowing that she does care for me the way i care for her. that when she thinks about life with out me that it hurts her. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to hurt her never I'm trying to see if i matter the same I Want to know if this is all just one sided Maybe she thinks i'll come back and come soon but i want this so bad i guess I have to know before i fight  for her in that way. I need to know that if I'm to pick up and leave that I'm not doing so just to be blindsided i need to know that we are in this and its not just me. she knows i'll do anything for her that i love her that shes my world and my love so I'm never far.. but if she believes that well that's up to her.. she has to know that for me I'm in this till the day I die and to live with out her well that numbers my days shes my heart my love. Ive been told many times to let her go and i never have in fear that if i did i would lose what ever love she may have for me. I never want her to stop loving me i never want to lose her i never want to be without her !!! I fucken hate life with out her sleepless nights and crazy thoughts of the death that is soon to come with out her. my life with out her is just borrowed time. I wont I cant but all the same i have too for her and for me.. I Love her shes my world I cant with out her. IHATE MY FUCKEN LIFE WITH OUT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just the thought to know that this is my next step hurts me all too much.. I hate that i cant be there to love her unconditional and all the time.. I can't seem to give her up.. She's mine..OHH BOY IM IN TROUBLE..