To Letting go and Starting anew..

January- June you were my world!! And I loved every second we spent together.. even when I wasn't sure even when I wanted to be mad at you for making plans with me then bailing last minute with out telling me.. I loved every second!! I loved you I had the life I was working next to full time my bossed loved me its looked like I was headed to get a raise soon.. I had good friends things at church were going well and I had you and the girls.. love... life was good at the time Pat hadn't moved and I was still happy enjoying life.. then you leave and every thing fell apart.. my grandpa died I loss my Job and love was gone.. none of it mattered with out you and now well even though I'm trying to move on I still miss you a lot.. solid.. stable .. a rock... you.. for me you were that and somehow my rock broke some how my foundation has crumbled.. a song by Ed Sheeran said it best he says..                                   
                               GIVE ME LOVE
      
                      (Pain spots of Tear drops on my shirt
                   I told you i'd let them Go
          and that id fight my corner maybe tonight.         I'll call yah after my blood turns into Alcohol
                   I just wanna hold yah..
           give a little time to me or burn this out
        we'll play hide and seek and turn this thing around
            all I want is the taste that your lips allow
                my my my my give me love
                my my my my give me love..        
      
                      Give me love like never before
            'Cause lately I've been craving more          And it's been a while but I still feel the same                 Maybe I should let you go,
                You know I'll fight my corner,
               And that tonight I'll call ya,
            After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
                No, I just wanna hold ya.
               You know I'll fight my corner
               And that tonight I'll call yah
             after my blood is drowning in Alcohol
                 I just wanna hold yah..
            give a little time to me or burn this out.                  we'll play hide and seek
               and turn this around all I want
             is the taste that your lips allow
               my my my my give me love
               my my my my give me love..)
This is another one of my songs to you this is my last song till we see each other again.. know I'll always love you I'll never stop and that my Door is forever open if you need anything!! Take care my love..

UHHGGGGGGG

#$¢€ why do I even bother.. I don't get what I did or even whats wrong.. every since you left you tell me your out here but never were so we could meet up and when ever I write you seem to just jump offline I don't get it .. I wanna hate you, I want to be mad but I can't I want to have nothing to do with you but I can't I want to forget you but I don't... I never have been able too.. not when it came to you every one else I was able to let got  but not you its just crazy... I don't know how to do this...all I ever do now is try to avoid thinking about you cry my self to sleep and think about you more..  I'm not trying to be obsessive..but I do know it seems that way i know..but I've never been good at this and I just wanna die I sound soo stupid wanting to be around you all the time I don't get what this is or when it started..or why.. I see you every were still and it doesn't help you say your back...and I still have yet to see you.. I hate missing you.. I'm working again but I still have time so I try and busy it with church and just other things and on top if all of this I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing me talk about you and how much you mean to me and how I hope to run into you again..and even what I would say or do if I saw you again....I miss you soo much I hate myself for not just being honest the first time around..!!! I love you Babygirl!! Always will..take care..

Would you do it over again?? I would!!

No matter how bad the days were or how lame they were when I was with you everything was right... I don't care how many times I cried I would still do it again because you were worth the fight.. you were worth the heartbreak and pain.. I've tried to throw my self into work or in to other relationships but they never work.. I just don't understand why I can feel this way and it doesn't work?? I mean I know I never had a chance.. so why this game?? Why do I feel this?? Did cupid shoot me knowing that you were taken?? That your heart belonged to someone. Does he enjoy seeing me suffer?? You would think I would have let go by now but it seems that I can't and the only way to top this is to end it all.. I'm the problem here so why continue to try?? Its not your fault nope as a matter of fact I would do it all over again if it ment I got to spend time with you ..Really I would I love you and for me that doesn't go away. So for you I would do it allover again!! Some would say they wouldn't change a thing but I would.. I would tell or show you every day just how much your loved and spend more time with you.. but there's no going back..so I'm done trying to get over and I'm tired of fighting I'm done.. this is the finale Goodbye..