Whats this??

I had a conversation with a friend today and as we were talking I felt something not like before with the others nope this is so different.. I've never thought about someone younger than my self that way this friend of the Male gender at lest... nope this person has been brought to my attention that he may be the one God has for me but it has not been confirmed yet so I don't know yet..any way it tugged at must heart today as we talked..I don't know what will happen but before any thing happens o know I. Have to let go of a past love and can never turn back to that..and for what ever reason its happening now well its happening!!  Lol its time..!!

WHAT NOW!!!

Ok soo I've been having a hard time with something I think I'm confused not sure.. Let me explain.. I miss you like nothing else matters.. really I do.. sometimes I look for you and I see you in every one that passes by.. then there are days where I don't want you around like I know if I become close again I'm gonna go right back to my broken heart ...because I know we aren't ment to be!! You've made that clear!! I know... I've tried to love another but I rather be alone for now I guess... I don't know how to really feel.. because again I miss you way too much.. what's happening?? Why do I feel this way this love hate relationship does not work for me its makeing me feel... I don't know.. soo WHAT NOW??

[ I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn't be crying, tears were for the weaker days
I'm stronger, now what, so I say
But something's missing

Whatever it is, it feels like
It's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out
What now? What now?

I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And she just happened to come at the right time
I'm supposed to be in love
But I'm numb again

Whatever it is, it feels like
It's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out
What now? Please tell me
What now?

There's no one to call cause I'm just playing games with them all
The more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone
Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can't even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Somebody tell me
What now?

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know ow ow why
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know ow ow why
So WHAT NOW?? ]
What Now : Rihanna
 
These words are true to the soul!! Its how I feel!! So I guess I'll just wait it out..

Never!!

So I've been thinking... You know its not in my nature to give up so don't expect me to start now I haven't all these years and I won't do so now...I never understood why it was hard for me to start talking to you but I knew when I did it wasn't hard after untill the silence started and every time i'd make my way back I don't think I'll give up not today push all you want I'm here and always will be till the day I die.. I love you!

Honest!!

So can I be honest?? I know what I said about waiting till you contacted me but let face it I miss talking to you forget that I miss you!! Every day at that!! But I don't wanna seem week so even when I saw you were online I didn't write you for that reason.. but I don't wanna do this any more I miss you!! But whatever I guess I'm just waiting for you to come around!! Don't wait too long I could be gone by then..