Her v Life

If I choose her then I lose Life if I choose Life then I lose her.. I believe Life is more important than her for in Life I have a chance at love but to love her is what I want to do but to love her I turn my back on my God...so I'm choosing Life in hopes that she may forgive me in hopes that she will understand.. that she will love me still and want to choose Life one day too!! She knows I love her with all my heart soo why wouldn't she choose Life?
I want with all my heart to choose her over Life but because I know what that means that choosing her would seal my death I can not choose her over Life..