WHAT HAPPENED??

You know had this happen before I met you then I would have fought I would have given I some time and then wrote you an apology that may have made you say its ok your forgiven.. but because I met you and you are the woman that you are and you cared enough to help make me strong well I'm not willing to put my self out there like that to look like a fool when I did nothing that was wrong I told you if you had a problem to tell me that I wouldn't know what was going on inside your head if you didn't tell me.. now its my fault like I should have known you said and I quote " nah girl its cool do you babygirl do you" so what am I supposed to think ?? I'm doing me I'm not looking for anything out of it we are just friends and if anything I met both of them before I even met you!! So what now ?? I'm not trying to be rude or anything like that really I have had this bottled up and I needed to get it off my chest.. I love you my friend but I don't love this controlling part of you it makes no sense why you would be mad and I'm not trying at all to get at them RF is cute but I never saw my self with and MRTN well he really was not my type.. just easy to talk to.. but like I said I wouldn't do that to you ever ..you know I swear you don't listen to me when I tell you things because if you had you would have remembered that I had growing feelings for some one else that you hadn't met and for the other guy you did meet...I don't know why but from the begining you have thought that I would do this to you are you afraid that given the opportunity that I would?? Why would I mess up a great friendship one of the best I've ever had?? For what some guy?? And as far as me being negitive well we both know I'm not as negitive as some can be I haven't given up and I wasn't in my dark hole cutting my self or even trying to sufforcate myself..I've been there... so with that being said tell me what was the real problem??  I already miss you my friend I hate that this happened but in truth I'm not sorry you know I hadn't done any thing and if you would have just waited a few minutes before calling you would have gotten a text saying I'm coming to the movies soo yes love I did nothing wrong.. This is how much I value your oppinon I asked around to friends and family people that I have known for years if I was a negitive person because I didn't think I was and if I was then I wanted to change it I wanted to fix that part because I don't want to be a negitive person it wouldn't work for me and you know what every one said people that were there when I was cutting and talking about ending my life before I met you?? That No I wasn't that sometimes I don't see how good I have it but even then I know what I want out of life and the going after may be hard but I get there eventually.. I don't want your Ex's not because they aren't good enough but because they are your ex's. If I know you I don't date your Ex's ask any one of my friends who I've crushed on and they will tell its not and Ex's even though I've said they are cute lol well gotta go battery is dying miss you take care